<$Jessica Helton, Jessica Helton blog, jess helton blog, blog, adventures and ramblings, adventure blog, ramblings, mozart, perez hilton, tmz, los angeles blog, los angeles stories, stories from la, city stories, funny stories, funny blog$>

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Diva Defense System



Not comfortable living alone? Finding it hard to sleep at night? Well then I would recommend The Diva Defense System. Since I have adopted this method, I sleep carefree, like a baby.

This system is simple and easy to follow and you can customize it to best fit your lifestyle.

I personally sleep surrounded by a child's baseball bat (Dodger blue, signed by Mike Piazza), a diamond studded, leopard print pepper spray, a giant, 10 pound flash light that my dad gave me for my birthday that he said will come in handy when I need to "billy-club someone upside the head" and a ferocious guard dog (ok maybe not so much, but he is my first line of defense).

Household items also suggested for Diva Defense: frying pans, kitchen knives, high heels, coat hangers as nonchucks, empty wine bottles...the possibilities are endless. Try it today, satisfaction guaranteed!

Hey, it's Los Angeles and a Diva can never be too safe.