<$Jessica Helton, Jessica Helton blog, jess helton blog, blog, adventures and ramblings, adventure blog, ramblings, mozart, perez hilton, tmz, los angeles blog, los angeles stories, stories from la, city stories, funny stories, funny blog$>

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My letter to Conan's brother... Part 2

Hello again, Mr. O'Brien. I have yet to hear from you regarding my last letter. Since then, I've been reminded of a few more issues that I needed to address...you know, while we're putting everything out in the open.
First off, not to get too personal, but is it necessary to use the restroom 3 times per night? At first I just figured you must have eaten something bad while at a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant with a 'C' rating in the window, but no, this has been an ongoing issue for the past 2 months! Mr. O'Brien, I don't want to mother you, but you may want to get this issue checked out by a professional.
This next complaint should speak for itself- would you mind sitting down while peeing?!?!
And one last thing- I do not have to wake up until 8:15, so I feel it is unfair that you wake me up everything morning at 5:00 AM. We are not married so you should not be forcing your erratic sleep schedule on me. And it's not just that you wake me up and I quickly doze back off--- no, you keep me up for hours with your aimless wanderings and pacings around your apartment! It's absolutely bizarre human behavior and I would love to get you on some meds to put you to sleep for longer than a 2 hour period at a time. Have you ever even experienced R.E.M? I'm talking about sleep, not the band, by the way.

The offer from my last letter is still good-- if you are Conan O'Brien's brother and you can get me a slot to perform on his show, I will consider putting up with you. Otherwise, this means war.
Best regards always,