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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Adventures in Gift Wrapping


It was 5:00 on Saturday. The wedding was in one hour. Since I was dressed and ready before everyone else in my family (impressive, I know), my assignment was to wrap the wedding gift to go along with a gift card. I gathered all the necessary supplies, stretched out the giant roll of wrapping paper on the counter and put the box of monogrammed Anthropologie mugs in the center of the paper. Suddenly the roll of paper did exactly what you could expect...it rolled off the counter, taking and breaking with it, the mugs.

It was 5:20 on Saturday. The wedding was in 40 minutes. With my brother waiting outside in the car, I ran into Anthropologie, located another pair of mugs, and quickly brought them to the register. The girl that worked there had just finished saying, "We don't really do gift wrap, we will just put them in a bag for you." when suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, a flamboyant, overweight 20 something employee dressed in skinny jeans, eye liner, and a bedazzled skull pin sprung out from behind a clothing rack and screeched in the highest tone known to man, "Did someone say gift wraaaaapping??"

It was 5:30 on Saturday. The wedding was in 30 minutes. The not-at-all-skinny, skinny-jean-wearer finally returned from the back of the store, and apologized for taking so long but claimed it was because he "had to find the perfect box of ribbons and they were on the top shelf, so he had to get a ladder". He began humming to himself (literally just like the gift-wrapping Mr. Bean on Love Actually) and rummaged through the box with hundreds of different ribbons and ties, every color and pattern. Finally, trying to rush him (he was doing me a favor so I couldn't be too pushy), I said, "What about that ribbon? That should be perfect." And he looked at me, shook his head like a snob and said, "No, no honey, not a good choice, just let the master work!"

It was 5:35 on Saturday. The wedding was in 25 minutes. The gift wrapping had finally progressed a bit, and now it was all about the bow. "I'm absolutely obsessed with perfect bow." He looked over to his coworker for affirmation, "Aren't I? I will spend like an hour to make both loops exact, won't I?" I said, "Well I don't mind if it's not perfect since the wedding is in about 20 minutes. " That didn't phase him in the least, and he continued perfecting the bow.
It was 5:38 on Saturday. The wedding was in 22 minutes. We were now onto the tissue paper. He would dramatically pull out the tissue paper from a drawer, shake it up in the air and do a wrist snap. I didn't know a package needed 25+ pieces of tissue paper, but somehow he fit them all in.

It was 5:41. The wedding was in 19 minutes! "The secret to a great ribbon is the angle." He literally got on his knees so that the ribbons were right in front of his eyes and began clipping away at them like a raging hair dresser.

It was 5:43. We should've been at the wedding already. Skinny Jeans was glowing like a proud father meeting his first child. I said, "Thanks, you saved the day!" and he replied with a little attitude, "Told you I was the gift wrapping king!" (or did he say queen? I can't say for sure.) He held up the finished package, admiring it as if it was Simba being presented as royalty during the Circle of Life song in the Lion King. I thought I was going to have to tackle him for the gift, but finally his coworker said, "Let her go, she's going to be late for the wedding!" Skinny Jeans stood there behind the counter, waving goodbye like a beauty-queen and couldn't take his eyes off his creation as I hurried out of the store. I hope he didn't tear up, because I would hate for his man eyeliner to run.

It was 6:05. But we were in luck, the wedding hadn't started yet. We hurried in to the ceremony and later entered the reception with a perfectly wrapped wedding gift.