<$Jessica Helton, Jessica Helton blog, jess helton blog, blog, adventures and ramblings, adventure blog, ramblings, mozart, perez hilton, tmz, los angeles blog, los angeles stories, stories from la, city stories, funny stories, funny blog$>

Monday, August 11, 2008

watch your backs (and ankles)

Oh the audacity! People need to keep their dog comments to themselves, because I'm about to snap on the next person who decides to speak up! I live in the land of teacup-sized-rodent-looking-wimp-dogs, and although I happen to have a rather large Yorkshire Terrier, I don't need to be reminded of it every time I take him out of the house. (Besides, he has a cuter face than any of his small mousier relatives could ever dream of.) There are many strange looking kids roaming out in the world but I don't feel the need to break into hysterics on the street, point at them and remind their parents. People look at Mozart like he's an alien dog, "No way! Did you see that Yorkie? It's sooo huge!" or "Wow that has to be the biggest Yorkie I've ever seen in my entire life!" Just because your 3 year old is extremely overweight I wouldn't stop on the street and say, "Ohhh my gosh, wow look at your kid. She is only 3 years old? You've got to be kidding me!! She is soooooooo big! She has to weigh, what, 75 pounds? She could be in the record books." And, Mozie isn't overweight, in fact, his 11 pound frame is on the thin side. I'm worried that all these comments and talk of him being "so big" have caused him to develop an eating disorder like the rest of Hollywood.

Oh and the obnoxious comments get worse! (First you need to know a little equation- Groomers + Mozart = Bad situation, so my brother Justin and I decided to take it upon ourselves to give Mozie a summer haircut while he was sleeping by the pool this past weekend. I can't help it if my sweet dog has nervous disorders that keep the groomers at bay for fear of being bitten. So until we get these issues worked out, I wait until he falls asleep and quietly sneak out the scissors and start clipping away on the side of his body that I can reach. This does not always produce the most perfect cut, but it gets the job done!) Anyway, yesterday an uppity older lady walked up to Mozie, started checking him out and with disgust in her voice said, "Oh wow, is that a rescue dog from the shelter?" First off, I have nothing against rescue dogs. I do have something against someone who would turn their nose up at a rescue dog, and the fact of the matter is, Mozart is not a rescue dog anyway. That would be like asking someone with a kid that looks a little unkempt, "Oh wow, is that mess of a child an orphan?" So I told the lady, "Uh no he's not a rescue dog, he's a Yorkie." and was going to leave it at. She added, disdainfully, "Well, that's quite a funny looking cut on a Yorkie!" And I should've said, "Well, that's quite a funny looking face you've bought yourself!", but instead I just got up and left. I'm not a violent person but I'm sure I could've persuaded Mozie into taking a bite out of her new, expensive nose.
I've been learning that LA's mentality is not reality. Get out of this little bubble and things are much different. Perspectives change. Get out of the city and an 11 pound dog would never be considered large.
All I know is Mozart is the heavyweight champion of his breed. He is smarter than half the pretty people in this town, and would gladly bring home the Olympic gold medal to his homeland for high diving and synchronized swimming. And he can most definitely do some reasonable damage to the teacup-sized lightweights and their parents, so all these haters better watch their backs (and ankles).