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Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Fruit and Phones

I remember a time when things were simple and a Blackberry was a small, dark purple fruit with smooth, fragile skin. That's all it was. A blackberry was just a fruit that ranked highly among fruits for antioxidant strength particularly due to their dense contents of polyphenolic compounds, such as ellagic adic, tannins, quercetin, gallic acid, and cyanidins. You know what I'm sayin'?

I could quite possibly be the last person that does not own a Blackberry (cellular device, that is) or iPhone in all of Los Angeles. I think I may have even seen a five-year-old with one. She was probably emailing her kindergarten friends and keeping tabs on her lemonade stand. Entrepreneurs start young out here.

Everyone in Los Angeles thinks they are so important that they must be on their Blackberry and checking emails every minute of the day. Sure, a hand full of people are busy enough to actually need one, but in most cases, these phones are a crutch for the insecure. When a little awkwardness sets in and you realize that no one in the room is talking to you (at a party, on a date, at an uncomfortable family reunion, in traffic school, the list goes on...), all you have to do is pull out your Blackberry and you suddenly look very important with a million emails to answer. It's like posting a sign on your forehead that says, "Oh don't mind me! I'm not alone and I'm definitely not uncomfortable. Not at all! Actually, it's quite the opposite. At the moment I'm extremely busy working and don't have time to socialize." I think 9 out of 10 times in such situations the Blackberry owner puts on a very intense, serious face but is just typing gibberish to look busy. They hit random keys, type "asdhfklh;egrn,az" and then delete what they just typed and start all over again. Sure, I believe you, you're not killing time, you're working...

Blackberry or not, it's unbelievable how we are so controlled by our phones. Forget your cell phone at home and suddenly a cloud of terror appears over your head and you become certain that the whole wide world is going to crumble underneath your feet. And the worst part of it all is that you won't be able to call someone for help unless you can find a bacteria-infested payphone, but you don't have a quarter or anti-bacterial in your purse and quite frankly you don't feel like risking your health by putting your mouth up to the phone, so your best bet is just to turn around and backtrack 15 miles to your home so that you can reunite with your phone, breathe easy and be back on your way. Talk about stressful!

This is just my opinion on the epidemic of Blackberry devices, so someone please tell me why I am considering giving in and getting one. Sure, I could blame it on needing one for work, but maybe it's because, deep down, I want to look important while I'm at Jury Duty. Come to think of it, screw the fruit, bring on the Blackberry, because the fruit never rescued me in awkward social situations. Who needs antioxidants anyway?