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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

my grandma, the matchmaker


My grandma has Alzheimer's. Thankfully it's not to the point of no return. We still have her here, but she comes and goes in waves, repeating herself and asking the same questions again and again. You just have to bear with her, because she's in there somewhere, probably feeling lost and overwhelmed and helpless. I know deep down some part of her is trying to still keep it all together.

But, even with Alzheimer's, my grandma never fails to remember one thing. One little detail of my life. She never, ever forgets the fact that I'm single. Sometimes she even talks about how she's going to not only find me a man, but she is going to find herself a new, younger man. The only problem is, she's still married to my grandpa. Even in front of him she'll boldly say, "Now there's nothing wrong with upgrading!"

My Grandma has officially taken it upon herself to find me a chap. Apparently, she spotted a good one at her church and has already approached his parents and told them all about their future daughter-in-law and even showed a picture of me (without my permission, of course. It better have been an attractive picture at least, but my gut tells me it was a 15 year old picture of me with braces and a side ponytail.) After church she immediately reported to me "My have I found a great guy for you!"

Don't get me wrong, it's an extremely sweet gesture, but I fear that my grandma has forgotten what type of guy she should be on the lookout for. I decided to do some detective work on this possible future husband and so after a lengthy Google search, I found a picture of someone with his same name. In this picture, the guy was about 5'4 (tops!) and wearing a cowboy hat and some kind of awkwardly tight chaps. But I could tell it wasn't just a Halloween costume, it was real life. How convenient, my grandma literally found me a chap in chaps. Sure, you may say, it probably wasn't the same guy she was trying to set me up with. So to confirm my conclusions, the next time she came over for a visit, I pulled up the picture online and showed her the lil' ol cowboy. I was secretly hoping that the picture wasn't him, because I wouldn't be opposed to my grandma (or anyone else for that matter- hint, hint) setting me up with the love of my life, but first you've got to make sure it's a good candidate. My grandma evaluated the picture and finally said, "Oh yes! That is him!" All I could say, was, "Wow, really?" Hee freakin' Haw.

I appreciate my grandma's thoughtfulness, I really do. But I can only hope she forgets about this little plan of hers, because it's not happening for me and Chaps. Ever. Next candidate please.