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Monday, October 6, 2008

The 1st Office Commandment

The 1st Office Commandment- Thou shalt save it for thy home. (Unless it is a horrible emergency or a horrendous case of food poisoning, and in this case, you should call in sick and be at home close to the comfort of your own restroom anyway.)

Earlier today I entered the community bathroom at my work and it was completely silent. So silent that you could hear a pin (or something else!) drop. I figured both stalls were empty, so I tried to pull the first stall door open, but oddly enough, it was locked. I bent down and looked to investigate but there was no sign of any shoes. I was a little puzzled and so I went in the other stall, quickly did my business, and even though there was not a sign posted on the wall that read '¡Lávese las manos', I took it upon myself to thoroughly wash my hands with warm water and soap for 25 seconds. I walked toward the door to head back to my office and as I pushed the door open, I suddenly heard an explosion in the bathroom. That's the only way that I can describe it! Someone was definitely in that stall and it sounded like a deadly war-zone. Poor thing, she had waited so patiently for me to leave, she was so close to getting some privacy, but unfortunately I hadn't exited the restroom all the way and I had to witness the shocking noise that may just give me flashbacks and night terrors for weeks to come.

The lady in the stall probably thought she could pull a fast one on me, hiding out and holding her breath, frozen like a statue with her feet up in hopes that I would not know she was in there. But come on now lady, just sit back, relax, and put your feet down. I'm not here to judge. Do you really think I'm going to search throughout all the offices on our floor, look under each and every desk and hunt down the person with the black heels just like yours? (Ok maybe that is something I would do, because when I was in elementary I cheated in a rainy-day game of Heads Up Seven Up by looking at my classmate's shoes. Wow, I feel much better after coming clean about that. It's like a burden has lifted. My name is Jessica and I cheated in a game of Heads Up Seven Up.)

Please, the 1st Office Commandment is simple. Be comfortable. Be courteous. And save it for home.