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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Stuttering Cop

Last week I was pulled over by a stuttering cop. No joke. The stuttering was absolutely horrendous and although I was confused and offended that I had just been pulled over for no apparent reason, I had to tighten my lips so that I did not crack a smile while he struggled to get his sentence out. "D-d-da-Do you nn-nnnaa-know why you were p-p-p-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pulled over?" All I could do was shake my head "No" in response. Perhaps he was extremely nervous, or maybe I was the first girl he had ever pulled over, or I suppose there is a slight chance that it really was a legitimate speech impediment going on, but whatever the case, he should look into another career. And while doing so, he should steer clear of telemarketing, motivational speaking, or used car sales.

Cops in Brentwood have nothing to do. Really! If I were driving down in South Central or East LA, I wouldn't have been pulled over. And if by some chance I was pulled over, it would be only to see if I needed directions somewhere because I looked out of place in the hood. But no, the cops in Brentwood are so bored they just sit in their car at 1:55 PM, eating a Subway sandwich, eagerly awaiting their first innocent victim to turn onto a street that you can't turn right on between the hours of 2PM-4PM. Yes, after seeing the lights flashing behind me, finding a place to park, waiting for the officer to approach my car, sitting through the stuttering and explanation of my violation, unlocking my glove compartment, and searching for my registration, the cop hobbled back to his car to write up the ticket and the documented time on it was 2:03. 2:03! Little punk. I told the officer that I knew for certain that he pulled me over before 2PM and he said, "Well then it loo-loo-loooooks like I'll be seein' you in c-c-c-c-c-c-c-court."
So very soon I will be seeing the stuttering cop in traffic court. I can't wait to see how his nerves affect his speech when he is up in front of the judge.