<$Jessica Helton, Jessica Helton blog, jess helton blog, blog, adventures and ramblings, adventure blog, ramblings, mozart, perez hilton, tmz, los angeles blog, los angeles stories, stories from la, city stories, funny stories, funny blog$>

Thursday, December 11, 2008

LA Safari

In LA you can spot a tourist from miles away. Let's not mention the camera around the neck, the neon belly bag around the waist, the map of celebrity homes in hand, and the giant hat with a mini replica of the Hollywood sign on the bill, you can also spot a tourist (not to be confused with terrorist) by their excitement level. They come across a celebrity and loose it. In the hysterics they loose all of it; their camera, their hat and most importantly, their pride.

When you move to this city, you sign a pact. It's part of the secret treaty that I'm going to let you in on if you swear not to tell. This pact is a wholehearted pledge to keep your enthusiasm contained at all times when you see a celebrity. You promise to keep the thrill of it all under wraps, even if the person is an A list star. Nothing is a big deal and everything is an absolute everyday occurrence. Sure.

So keeping this pact in mind, what are you to do when Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox jog right past you in the morning while you're getting into your car? You can't scream or take pictures, ask for autographs or beg (ain't to proud to beg) for John Mayer's digits. All you can do is stare. Awkwardly, gracelessly, without blinking for 51 seconds, stare. Hey, I'm just being honest, and don't act like you wouldn't do the same thing.
And if I were with someone else at the time of the encounter, I think my first instinct would be to point, as if I was on safari and had just seen a lion chasing a zebra or something. I've been spotting more and more celebrities in their natural habitat, and it's been cool, but I'm wondering if I could heighten the experience by investing in a jeep, 6-pocket khakis pants (this is the only time khakis are socially acceptable), a bamboo helmet, binoculars, and safari it around Los Angeles. Just an idea. On second thought, this may be a little too obvious and could come across more touristy than the foreigner wearing the Hollywood Sign hat and the ever-so-flattering belly bag. So scratch that. I'll just continue to stare.