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Friday, December 5, 2008

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa (Mom and Dad, hello there. I know it's you, but I will continue to play along all my life if it means better Christmas gifts),

I really really really want a new set of tires for my car this year. What a great gift idea, huh! The guy at the dealer said that my tires are nearly bald. Come to think of it, he was nearly bald as well, sporting very poor and very obvious hair plugs, perfectly planted in little rows that hadn't grown in yet. Ew. Santa, I would also like a wig for this man. He deserves it and has been a good boy (except for when he tried to rip me off and sell me $1000 dollar tires that were "absolutely the best deal in all of LA!"). On second thought, coal is the best bet for him. Burning hot coal.

Ok back to my list. I'm sure you're aware that a cop called Stutters has ticketed me and his colleagues have too. Would it be possible to get a gift card or a pre-paid voucher made out to the City of Los Angeles in my stocking? That would be so neat. Ah just the thought of it- I can't wait to show all my friends! They're going to be soooo jealous.

I nearly forgot, I've had my eye on a Mac laptop battery. It's so cool Santa. My current battery isn't keeping a charge and it would be amazing to get a new one. I swear I'll take good care of it.

Socks too. I guess I should add socks to the list because that's what all adults do. Does it matter that I don't really wear socks? I'll continue to pick out my own underwear though, thank you.

Well I can hardly wait for Christmas to see what you bring me. I can't handle the excitement and suspense of it all. Do you think we can take the tires into the backyard and roll them back and forth before all of our holiday guests arrive? Oh what fun that will be!

All my love,
Jess (your very favorite and only daughter)

PS- Growing up kinda sucks.