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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I won't be that mom!

I won't be that mom who encourages her child to try out for American Idol even though they have a horrible voice. I will be supportive in areas that they actually have natural talent, but I will not camp out with them for days while they wait in line to try out in front of a panel of critical judges when I could just tell them the bad news in the privacy of our own home. I could even use a British accent like Simon to make it sound more official. (Besides, I've never been fond of camping out. Tents make me feel claustrophobic. Really, think about it, you zip yourself in to this piece of material and sleep in there? Sick! And then the air gets stale within 15 minutes and besides that, you have rocks and sticks poking you in the back while you're trying to sleep. Real fun. Thank you for letting me vent about tents.)
I also won't be that mom who puts bumper stickers on the back of her car. Even if my child is on every honor roll in the world, which they obviously will be. Bragging bumper stickers are a good way to get your car vandalized when a jealous mom of a not-so-bright child sees 14 stickers displayed proudly on the back of your mini van. It's just asking for it.
Ohhh Mini vans. No thank you. I can't pull that one off and wouldn't like to try.
And I will never get the mom hair cut. Just because you now have children doesn't mean you have to trade in the hair salon for a soup bowl haircut.
So, other than proudly sporting the extremely high waisted, awkwardly sexy tapered-leg mom jeans, I won't be that mom.