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Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Shout-Out and a Warning

I had to file a police report for Internet fraud 2 days ago. Dramatic right? (Dramatic pause.) Yes, and in an apartment like mine with the old nosey neighbors peering through their windows every time a leaf blows by their door, it isn't ideal to have 2 tall uniformed officers enter your apartment after dark. (Side note: These officers had guns. Both the arm kind and the weapon kind.) (Side note side note: I just now realized that there is a 98% chance that my neighbors assumed I was hiring some male strippers for a little entertainment. Greaaaat.)

Ok I'm really getting ahead of myself. Last week I posted an ad on Craigslist to sell a brand new Missoni Wrap dress that had been not given the life it so deserved lonesomely hanging in my closet. The dress retails for $500+, although I got a deal on it because of my mad shopping skills. Someone responded to my post surprisingly quick, and although there were a few strange things about the buyer during our week long email correspondence, including the fact they lived in Florida, didn't try to negotiate the price, and typed as if they were reading a script, I was just excited to have a buyer. I was just excited to make some money honey.

Long story even longer, that sweetheart created a fake PayPal account and I received a fake but completely believable verification of payment and within a day the dress was shipped and well on its way to Florida. If only I would have known that it was a scam! I would have sneakily replaced the dress with a box jammed packed with canned tuna or rattlesnakes. Better yet, I could've shipped myself in a crate and when the scammer opened the giant box I could box them in the face. But they might have guns. Both kinds. Besides, the 3 day long journey in a dark crate could get a little claustrophobic.

I am reminded of a time back in junior high when an annoying girl in my class would ask daily to borrow my vanilla frosting flavored lip gloss. I had had enough of her pestering, so one day after school I went into the kitchen cabinet, found the garlic salt, and generously mixed it in with the gloss. Not enough garlic to cause it to be grainy, but definitely enough that her mouth and breath would be kickin'. I then kept the sabotaged lip gloss in a separate part of my backpack so I wouldn't mistakenly use it. After one potent use she stopped asking to borrow it. Yeah that's right, I showed her.

Anyway friends, please let this serve as a warning, do not sell expensive items online. Instead, meet creepy people in person, preferably in dark alleys or parking structures to exchange your goods. Or just to be more safe, invite them over to your home.

Although I don't use my blog for shout-outs, I have a very special person that I want to mention. Shout-out to the atrocious scamming thief Anita McGriff of Tampa, Florida. Enjoy the Missoni dress big momma. By the looks of your Facebook profile picture, you're going to have a tough time fitting into it. Cheers.