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Friday, March 5, 2010

The Becoming

"I've been waiting all this time to be something I can't define."
-the format
I'm learning lately that it's all in the becoming. Not to be confused with the book "Becoming A Woman" that my mom bashfully and not-so-nonchalantly presented to me one preteen summer. The ceremonial handing over of the instructional guide book consisted of a speech my mom probably rehearsed so sweetly in her closet mirror ten times before she gained enough courage to enter my bedroom and say it to my eleven year old face. "Honey, here is a book I want you to read. It will explain some major changes that will be taking place in you during the next few years. Read it whenever you want to- and talk to me if you want to. If you don't want to talk, that's ok too, but I have a feeling you might have some questions. It's all part of becoming a woman." How lovingly awkward. I wonder what the instructional book on "Becoming" would say? Maybe something like- "Honey, welcome to real life. This is what's up. There's going to be some major changes taking place during the next 50 years. And they're different for everyone. Yeah, you thought puberty was strange, you ain't seen nothing yet sista friend. But don't freak out, it's all part of the process. It's all part of becoming."

Really though, for the most part, I'm liking the becoming. It's all there is anyway, so might as well embrace the work in progress, right? Forget the big picture for a moment - shift your perspective from the elusive, the unfinished, and the unfulfilled- and look around. There are small answers to be found- quiet whispers to be heard. There are delicate subtleties and scenic details along the way that little by little are teaching and stretching, molding and making this all into something more than you could have planned.

Look closely, closer than before and you'll find it's all in the becoming. All of it. Maybe disguised and unlike you had imagined, a different color, not quite so shiny and perfect, but this is it. Sure tomorrow there are things you'd like to see happen and the waiting can feel like an ocean but this moment is perfectly where you are meant to be.

So don't lose hope. Right now is enough, but right now isn't all. There's much more on the way, I just know it.
(Oh and if you're looking for a good weekend read, be sure to pick up "Becoming A Woman". Or you could borrow my copy for a small rental fee. It's been 15 years but if I remember accurately it was a shocking page turner to say the least.)